


Dave and Terezi ==> Do the do

by UltimateProtagonistNerd



Series: UPN's Homestuck Short Stories [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Rating May Change, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2667095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateProtagonistNerd/pseuds/UltimateProtagonistNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Advanced level human Anatomy lessons with professor Strider, may or may not be entirely accurate in the legal aspects of human culture. But hey, Dave isn't an Earth Lawyer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dave and Terezi ==> Do the do

"SAY D4V3, R1DDL3 M3 TH1S, WH4T 4R3 TH3 HUM4N 'P4RTS' L1K3?"

"well you see tz, or actually no, you're blind"

"UH HUH"

"we got arms, legs, torsos, even you aliens know that whole deal"

"D4V3 YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34NT"

"our teeth are usually more blunt than sharp, you guys got those shark fangs"

"D4V3"

"tz"

"T34CH M3 4BOUT TH3 HUM4N S3X, K4RK4T WONT L3T M3 LOOK 4T B1OLOGY BOOKS"

"maybe if you sprinkle some please into that"

"OH PL3334S3 D4V3 S3NP41-S4M4-KUN" she swooned like one of those cherry blossom tree surrounded anime babes.

...

"now tz, this here is a dick"

"1T DO3SNT R3TR4CT >:?"

"retract?" , he jumped back a bit, "the hell it'd retract for? making me wonder what you trolls got"

"W3 TROLLS H4V3 TH3 NORM4L G3N1T4LS, YOUR3 TH3 FR34K1SH 4L13N CR34TUR3"

"tz, i'll make this clear, you're grey and pointy, i'm a squishy pink chimpanzee."

"1 C4N SM3LL TH4T MUCH.. DO HUM4NS ST4ND 4ROUND 4ND T4LK B3FOR3 TH3Y FR1CK OR SOM3TH1NG?"

"yeah, gives one of them time to prepare the condoms"

"WH4TS TH4T?"

"it's like a protective covering for dicks, you'd enjoy those zany flavored ones"

"TH3Y COM3 1N FL4VORS >:? HOLY SH1ZN1T THATS INCREDIBLE"

 "yep, best thing humans ever created"

"YOU M34N B3TT3R TH4N COTTON C4NDY?"

"shit man they got cotton candy flavored ones to boot."

"1N-FUCK1NG-CR3D1BL3"

"anyways rezi the human 'doing' requires your participation"

"OH R1GHT Y3S, SO DO3S TROLL DO1NG, BUT PR3P4R3 YOUR CHIMP4NZ33 OR1F1C3S FOR M3 STR1D3R"

"my chimpanzee orifices were born ready for this, every waking morning i thought of freaky cackling alien chicks. my dong has hunted your elusive kind for centuries"

"1 THOUGHT HUM4NS COULDNT L1V3 FOR C3NTUR13S, 4LSO YOUR L1K3 7 SW33PS YOU DOOF"

"metaphorical centuries, which happen to be the only means of measurement for my schlang"

"PFFT, HUM4N 1NCH3S 1S MOR3 L1K3 1T. CUT TH3 CH4TT3R COOLK1D"

...

"wow i... that's rather different from us humans"

"DONT 4CT SO SURPR1S3D COOLK1D"

"i'm aroused, confused and bit freaked out really, in fact that should be the title of my autobiography. story by dave strider's dick and artwork by dave strider's left hand."

She smirked and wrapped arms around his buck naked form's shoulders and came in closer to his face to lick her tongue across him.

"heh, tz, we almost forgot our fruit-dick-ons for our incredible, things."

...

(haha, bet you thought we were going to show you the sex, but you just aren't that lucky, you need 500 million more boonbucks to unlock the sex scene)

They lay up against a wall, arms wrapped around each others hips breathing heavily and cuddling up.

"man that was a ride"

"JUST W41T UNTIL 1 T34CH YOU 4BOUT TROLL S3X!"

-the screen fades to black and cackling is heard for several lawnrings around-

Bonus Scene 1- Pay 100 boonbucks

Bonus Scene 2 is the sex scene- Pay up that 500 mil you heinous criminals. >;]


End file.
